What is healthy behavior? For most of my life I have accepted abusive behavior from others as if it was just a normal day in the life of Susanne Moore. Forgiving repeated offenses in the name of love, fear, keeping up appearances, saving face, and hoping to fix the behavior of others knowing God can save anyone. Truth is though that I was groomed to accept this behavior as a young girl. The identity I adopted was two-fold: Acceptance is pleasing others by doing anything and everything that they need to feel valued and for me to be loved and valued I must please everyone.
That lie has perpetuated me on a journey to uncover the things I believed about myself, people, relationships, God, and the world that is not true. What is on your list of behaviors that you have accepted that would be considered unhealthy?
Here is a portion of mine:
Poking, spitting, pinching, back handing, slapping, throwing my car in park while driving, screaming profanity, manipulation, lies, calling me names, calling my family names, isolation, bribery, covering my mouth to silence me, knocking my glasses off my head, throwing me out of the house, deception, squeezing too hard, threats, fear driving, pinning me down, pulling me down, infidelity, cheating, draining financials, control, silent treatment, raging, shaming, guilt…..and sexual offenses I will not list here.
Some of those were things that happened over time, with concessions of apologies and love bombing; with truth bending and irrational reasoning; with subtle threats of harm or turning it around on you. You are the crazy one. That never happened. You will never find someone who can love you like I do. You are……negative, negative, negative.
Undoing lies is hard and difficult. Why? Because they are imprinted in our subconscious not our conscious thought. We must have a blueprint for good behavior and weigh it against what we learned that perpetuates false truth when we make decisions, then root out the fiction and replace it with fact.
God’s word is my blueprint of truth. I understand that it might not be yours. As my stories unfold for you, I pray that I will overturn tables for myself and you like Jesus did in the synagogue.
The peeling of an onion is sweet and sour. Undoing lies is like peeling an onion and I hope you will join me as I share the layers of bittersweet goodness that come out of letting go and learning new.
Susanne Moore 