July 15, 2013, is when I originally posted this article on my old blog. I loved it then, I love it now. I hope it speaks to you.
Every day we face choices. Simple ones like what we will eat for breakfast, how we will do our hair, what we will wear. We also face choices that make a difference in how we live each moment. Who we will marry, what we will believe, what we will do with the days we are given. Life is a gamble isn’t it? Even the simple decisions such as a hearty breakfast can years later lead to high blood pressure or diabetes and eventually death. For that matter isn’t every day we live leading towards the ultimate end?
For many years friends have tried to get me to take trips to Vegas. It is one of those things that has never really had an appeal to me. In fact I have already won a trip to Vegas for next year at work and I am wondering how much cash I can get instead. I am pretty testy about throwing away a dollar, since I have battled so hard to keep them and I really enjoy spending them if it is on something I find value in. Yet, as of late I have enjoyed doing things that I have not done in a long time or have never done. This is likely related to the freedoms that come with an empty nest and fun new single friends who enjoy new opportunities. Irregardless, this opportunity knocked and I said, “why not, I can mark this off the bucket list” (although I think I had not put it on there!).
So, I relinquished my abstinence from the casino, by agreeing to go to Oklahoma Winstar. It is a gentle step to Vegas I hear. I had passed it at least 100 times going to Oklahoma Baptist University to visit my daughters. The architectural outlay of the building is pretty awesome and at night it is like a beacon to anyone in the area drawing them in. So, I have to admit I was intrigued about the possibilities of what was inside. Yes, I did give in. Yes, I already knew what I would find.
Is gambling a sin? That was the thought going through my head as we headed up there. It was a quick jaunt, very little money and good friends. Gambling is not really mentioned in scripture however, God has a lot to say about our actions and money, casting lots and such. Throwing your money away is not the best course of action. Casting lots happened a lot in scripture and that is not likely the best course of action either. Anything that takes the place of God in our hearts would be considered an idol. Anything that causes us or someone else to stumble can also be considered sin. So, gambling most certainly can be a sinful act if it does any of those things mentioned. But I do not believe that I fell into sin by going. I took only $25, and I left a couple hours later with $18.20. $5.80 lost is much less than I throw away possibly every day. I had mentally agreed that it is a relatively small gamble that would not break the bank if I suddenly found my pockets bust. Besides, I blow $25 quite frankly every week on movies, dinner out, STARBUCKS!
We had a good time, some lost more than others but we all had very little to lose, some good laughs and a great night out with friends. What I have pondered since was what I found inside.
Polytonality in musical terms is when 2 or more keys are playing at the same time. Our very nature has a polytonality to it. We battle between flesh and spirit, two keys playing at the same time in our hearts. The first key being our very nature sinful and then that internal clock that dings those bells of warning as you begin a journey unsure, if you are a daughter or son of the King of Kings like me.
As I walked through this “promised land of opportunity” I examined the atmosphere, the people frequenting it, the smells, and the sounds. Pretty hard to stomach since I am the worst ex-smoker in the world! As always, I searched for the lost souls fallen into the traps of struggle, most were desperate to strike it rich. Many were sitting at their stations punching their bets monotonously, eyes transfixed on the shrinking dollars on the screen. I noticed easily the addicts pining for a dollar for their next fix. The smell of stale cigarettes penetrated my nostrils and devoured my clothes and hair, sticking to me like honey in a mist. The sound of chaos: laughter, sadness, excitement, and disappointment filled the air. The architectural masterpiece found outside, was simply clear plastic monuments with countries posted on them, the glamour diminished to money making machines of no relation and a sea of souls searching.
I landed in Vienna and pretty much stayed there most of the night. Vienna was no different than Paris but, they had a bathroom nearby and the free soda station too. I liked the machine where you pull the lever on the side, seemed I always wanted to play one of those. My money would come and go quicker than you can say “boo” but since I was playing penny and nickel slots, I wasn’t doing too bad. They were calling me the luck sucker, because no one else in my group was doing as well as I was, if you can call losing money a win. The lowest I ever dropped to was $15 and the most I ever shot back up to was $22. Either way, it was a losing battle! There was a woman next to me that had almost $300 in the machine and another guy who kept losing and putting in more tickets, $80, $40, $20. He lost it all, but, my assumption is he wins sometimes and so he keeps playing and praying.
It was pleasure and sadness; it was excitement and deflation. A gamble with emotions. Polytonality.
So as I am sitting here today enjoying the cooler temperature, listening to the raindrops on my tin roof and pondering this choice that I made, I wonder was it the right choice? I have a mind that is constantly analyzing my choices, measuring them up to how God has called me to live my days, contemplating the lives of those around me and how I can help them in their plight. Inside the walls of a casino you find pretty much what you find outside the walls of the casino, its just candy coated. The struggle of man is intense, magnified in seeking satisfaction, gratification and acceptance. Life is a gamble when you are lost in that sea of dissatisfaction, never finding the right fix, it is miserable.
What I love about my struggle is the sound of the Holy Spirit in my polytonatic soul. The light in my darkness, the fire alarm in my fire, the life raft in my sea of sadness, the song in my silent shame, the peace in the gamble called living, the sound of the love of my life calming the storm in the battle for my heart. Yes, everything we do, every day is leading to one certain and ultimate end. We are dancing with the keys to our heart and we can choose death or eternal life.
I am not sure if I will take advantage of my free vacation days in Vegas next year, its free so I am not gambling away my own money, but, I know this. I choose eternal life and choices that lead me to it and I pray everyday that all of you will cut in and dance with me!
Zanna
Susanne Moore 